Pillow talk

N:Fafi, guess what!
F:what?
N:I talk to my pillow at night,
F: i used to talk to things when I was little to, don't worry
looks at me all weird,
N: i don't talk to everything I just talk to my pillow
F: really what do you say?
N: you better wake me up for fajr or your going to jahanam
stillfes laughter,
F: and what does your pillow do?
N: wait i haven't finished, at about fajr time my pillow goes all cold and i wake up,
F:it goes cold?
N: yeah like it wakes me up.
F: wow thats cool
N: Mummy says its Allah doing that.

And she's back

Those of you checking this blog on a regular basis, sorry other more pressing isues have been coming up these last few months like cancer, learning about it that is, holidays (you've got the love hte states!) and myself and, and growing up :( ok ok yes i'm exagerating I only turned 20 and yes thats not like very old, but I guess 19 was a nice age!

So here goes, hopefully a summer full of posts, both of the meaningful and equally meaningless nautre.

So as well as blogging i've decided to start joggingn(again), learning to swim (looks alot easier!) as well as making time to actually read, and to be honest its been fun but hard work I get to the end of the day and think can I restart the day?

So far i've managed to walk (speedishly is that a word?) around the track , swim for a meter before I feel myself being engulfed by the water, and read about 20 pages of Doris Lessing's "the grass is singing", any recommendations are welcome so how long this will last only time and my own wil power will tell!

there we go the first of many new posts!

The D word

Dr Rowan Williams said the "comforts and luxuries" we take for granted could not be sustained forever.

He told worshippers: "We face a culture in which thoughts of death are too painful to manage."

Archbishops easter sermon

I take my hat off to this man finally someone who isn't afraid to talk sense!

I have to be honest death is a topic I enjoy talking about, now you can crunch your faces at me and think weirdo but its the truth.

Why you ask?
Perhaps becuase eventually we're all gonna go through it, I feel its more a unifying factor. Its pretty much the most obivous thing that will happen to each and everyone of us and therefore think its pathetic of us to not want to talk about it.
But as you can imagine its not something the average person enjoys talking about
(infact i don't think most will make it to the end of the blog!)

I mean I would love if I could every so often go into a 6 foot hole to remind myself that although i love spending my time on this earth, i'll be spending a large amount of t (relatively speaking) 6 foot underground. (yes you can frown now)

So why is it this isn't generally a shared passion?

I have my own theories, its the unknown no one really knows exactly whats gonna happen.
It doesn't make for good conversation, it makes people uncomfortable, people don't like talking about things that will inevitably happen.

I'm not saying i'm well prepared and if I were to drop dead tomorow I would be over the moon, far from it, but in communicating and finding out more I think I can find ways of getting used to it and like most things in life be a bit more prepared.

But if you think talking about death was the easy part you'd be forgiven other areas such as getting my will sorted out (which i still haven't done!) the number of problems I faced it was stupid you can't even bloody die easily (and it wasn't finance that was the problem!) "your to young", so now theres a rule?

The actual outfit (the kaffan, the death garb) was probably the easiest thing, except I do regret haggling when buying it I guess you live and learn.

Maybe thats why i enjoy what I'm doing, I deal with people who have already had to think about dying, they're easier to talk to, there aren't akward silences or werid looks, but plain and simple truths and often humour.

www.justincaseidie.com :)

The day cool site of the day spoke

So I have a million and one things to be doing but I decide Hangman is high on the priority list, and then this comes up

Flaneur:
An aimless idler; a loafer.

That pretty much sums me up

The final f word is forgiveness

“To forgive is godly”

“When everything is over, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more that the things you did.
And you know the best thing cancer has given me?
The ability to forgive. I can now not wallow in regret; Cancer has given me the courage to say I was sorry, and that I truly meant it, regardless of what the other person felt.
I’m not angry, I’m not bitter, I am free, and that my dear is what we’re all meant to be.”

I have to admit I thought she was a crack pot; just stop talking and stay still so I can get out of here I though to myself.

And she did stop talking and well I wouldn’t say she’s still now but more like dead.

It takes a big person to forgive someone, and I sit there thinking heck what’s hard about that?
With just over a month before I hit the two decade period of my life I am put in a situation where I can continue to be the kid I have always been or start acting my age, surely the years on this earth have provided me with some experience in using my head instead of my heart?

Well you’d think, but forgiving someone is something I still struggle with, it’s hard, and well it hurts.
But then you think, am I always gonna stay with cold, angry and bitter?
Isn’t it time I grown up, for surely one day I’ll be just as still as she is, but will I be free or will I be a prisoner of my own regrets or sins?

The ruler that just didn't measure up

"Madam you have something sharp and metal like in your bag", I sigh and grown inwardly, can't a policeman tell the difference between a knife and a ruler?

So yes I use a metal ruler at work, am I expeceted to explain why I use that and not a plastic one?
I won't bore you with the details, lets just say physics and the laws of nature have something to do with it.

So for the next 15 minutes I have to fill out some forms, to prove that I am not going to use my metallic ruler to harm anyone but infact to help measure distances on a patients skin.

Luckily I had my ID and was apologised to after they actually relasied radiographers actually exists and I wasn't pulling thier legs (figuratively speaking).

Now i'll be honest i think they're taking a bit to far,(oh the fun that could be had with a few puns!) and I wonder are we actually getting anywhere?

The dj's wife

So we're all sitting there all a little uncomfortable, we're all lumbered up at home. None of us want to be sitting in our living room, but we are, watching Saturday night telly, and then comes on a radio1 asian network ad.

A range of dj's appear before us and they're all doing their own thing,
suddenly my mum gasps, "ya allah, bichari chuloo saf kareti" (trans:
Oh God! poor girl she's cleaning the cooker)
euphoria takes over the rest of us, and we barely breath for the next few months as we howl at the commnet trying to rethink her thought process.

"Mum how'd you come to that conclusion?" I ask "well I thought the guy was her husband and he was making money djing and she was stuck at home cleaning the cooker!
I mean its not very fair"

We explain the cirular motions were infact her mixing, an wasted expression on her.

You just gotta love Mums!

The phone that cost me more than its worth

How was i meant to know that my weekly train ticket would have a magnetic strip on and that keeping it near my phone would invalidate it?
Surely the geeks at the ticket office should have thought that most travelers would keep their phones and tickets in the same handbag/pocket/briefcase as their phones.

sigh, I guess I need to refork out £80,
won't be making that mistake anytime soon!

Boob's on ice

10 min brain gorge

my hands have swollen up I blame the dumbells they're not that heavy but i guess jogging with them wasn't such a good idea, ok, ok walking at snails pace then!

I enjoyed my walk today yes it was raining but I liked it, I never thought I would being the water phobic person I am.

I enjoyed wondering if my new lap would be faster, and what infulences how long it takes me , seriously I think too much, I even made a mental note to take a stop watch with me and wondered if I woudl walk faster if I had some music and then if I wore somethign different, i have this idea that jogging in ur pj's would make it alot more fun and i think i would move faster, i'm still waiting for the day when i gain enough courgae to actually do that.
seeing as i have bright pink pj's i'll just say thats never then.
I wonder if i was with a friend woudl i be faster?
or if i knew that somone was watching me.

so yeah i went for a jog, then had breakfast and then ate something silly so it was a bit pointless putting myself through all that pain if im gonna go and be irresponsible with my food chocies, well i guess if i don't eat anything for the rest of the day it'll balance out, I somehow don't think that'll be happeneing.

so there we have my first 10 min waffle.
look forward to many more, i have quite a few asignments due !

curently wide awake